I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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