When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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