apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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