so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
