Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
