I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
