Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
