Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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