i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
