I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
