I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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