Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
