But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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