Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
