i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
