If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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