so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
