after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
