Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
