Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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