I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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