Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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