I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
