guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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