How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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