I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
