Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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