I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
