It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
