Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
