she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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