it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
