I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
