I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
