Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
