im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
