I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
