yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
