Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
