Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
