HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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