Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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