This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
