shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
