so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
