I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
