I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
