I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
