Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
