How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Another day, another engagement, another cat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
