God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
