I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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